please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
