Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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