you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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