ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
