walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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