atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
