As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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