my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
