Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
