Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
