I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
