Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
