You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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