He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
