My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
