I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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