Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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