last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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