you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
