"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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