how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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