i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
