well you can't waste a boner
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
