take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Randomize
