I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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