you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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