Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He better not be in your backpack
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
