Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
