We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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