just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
