my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
