Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
