i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
being pregnant is like rehab
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
