it wasn't lemon gatorade
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
