she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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