So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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