6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
