you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
