how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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