Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
