living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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