For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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