So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i drank out of a bidet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
