$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
