I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
