carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
