dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
