That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
