I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
