I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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